You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
