I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
