ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
