There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I'm too high and old for this...
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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