Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
