In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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