I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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