he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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