What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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