Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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