we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
