Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
These tits shall not be calmed
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
