Well apparently he's into motor boating.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
