I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
