Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
