Your face is a jimmy john
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
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