they need to just BURY HIM!
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
