Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize