He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
