I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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