i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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