I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
