just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
