one might say we're banned from that church
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
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College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
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Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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