I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
