You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Randomize
