if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
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Girls should come with a carfax report
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
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