the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
