Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
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