she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
