she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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