she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
