I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
