Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
that is very illegal...i love you.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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