I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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