We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
