Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
