halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
