I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Randomize
