the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Randomize
