he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
