this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
