How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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