Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
