This is not my ceiling
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
