Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize