My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
