she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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