Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
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