totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
