eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
