i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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