I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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