your thong is hanging out like whoa
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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