Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
