Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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