Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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