You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
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