mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
it's like iHOP with fire
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Randomize
