I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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