She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
