We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
