Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
