guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Randomize
